Showing posts with label Caleb. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Caleb. Show all posts

December 17, 2013

Evan and Caleb in SLO




There's a picture here because, suddenly, I can't post a Facebook link to this post without a picture.  If I don't add a picture, my profile picture will appear in large format beside the link.  I'd rather something other than my face appear on all the Fb walls.

Evan, as you may remember, grew up in San Luis Obispo. This bit (which directly follows the last scene presented in this post) takes place over the Thanksgiving break Caleb spends with Evan and his family. I just re-read it, of course, because I'll be headed back to SLO in a couple days and am excited.  

A few things good to know:
-They've spent the night in Evan's room, Evan on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed set and Caleb seated on the floor because he can't actually sleep.
-Evan burnt his hand in the oven the night before
-Evan drank too much the night before

Enjoy!


When I  woke the next morning he was leant against the wall adjacent me, the cased violin cradled in his lap.  Long fingers draped over it.
“Morning,” I said.
He opened weary eyes, and smiled.  “Headache?”
“Nonexistent.”
“Good.  How about your hand?”
“Existent.  What’s the time?”
He glanced at the clock by the door.  “Nine thirty.”
“Perfect time for coffee.”
“Can I get you some?”
“I thought we were going out.”
“We are if you’d like to.”  He stood.  “But let me get you something to eat, first.”
Some minutes after he slipped away I remembered that it was Thanksgiving.  I got up and dressed and went out into the kitchen.  Caleb stood above the stove, spatula in hand as my mother instructed him.
“Wow,” I said.  My friend looked straight at me while my mother scurried over to say good morning.  “When you offered breakfast this isn’t what I pictured.”
He tried to laugh but it didn’t work.  “Me neither.  To be honest I’d planned cold cereal.”  He flipped a pancake and checked the others.  My mother went to check that he had checked properly.
“Notice I’m not enlisted,” I said.  “I can’t cook at all.”
“You’re home visiting!” my mother said.  “Otherwise I would enlist you.”
“Caleb’s the guest, though.  Wrong place at the wrong time.”  My mother went back to chopping fruit and I stood at my friend’s side.  “Can you seriously cook?” I asked.
“Not seriously.”
“You don’t eat yet you know how to cook.”  SLO has a million great coffee shops and I’ve tried most all of them.  I thought we’d just do Starbucks this morning, though.  My favorite places are quite small: small enough that I’d be recognized in them.  Going into a coffee shop where the baristas know you is ridiculously fun.  But I didn’t want anyone to know me today.  There’s a Barnes and Noble across from the Starbucks I thought of.  It’s a great little area--almost like a plaza because it’s between two streets and has only foot traffic.  Then I got an even better idea.  Inside the Barnes and Noble, on the upper floor, is another Starbucks.  There’s a mural painted around with Hemingway and Woolf and Eliot and everyone drinking coffee and being brilliant.  There are tables along floor-to-ceiling windows, and since it’s still a part of the bookstore everyone is quiet.  No traffic of any kind.  That was the perfect place to go.  
All Caleb’s pancakes were perfect.  Uniformly sized and everything.  I asked him how he managed that.  He didn’t respond right away, and when he did it was with an apology.  I asked why.
“I’ll try to eat something.”
“I don’t care.  I was trying to make you laugh.”
He swallowed.  “I’m sorry.”
“That’s all right.  What’s the matter?”
My mother came and checked the pancakes again.  They were restaraunt quality and she could’ve stopped checking.
“I’ll tell them you don’t feel well,” I said, after she’d left.  “You don’t look like you feel well.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing.”
“There’s nothing wrong.”
“There’s something terribly wrong.”
“Please don’t sound upset with me.”
“I’m not upset.  Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll do something about it.”
“You don’t need to do anything.”  He poured fresh batter onto the skillet.  “It just won’t stop.  It went mostly away last night but when I came out it started again and started worse.”
“What?”
He shook his head.  “It isn’t anything.  I get them all the time.  Just not in a while.”
“What do you need?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.  Tell me what to do.”
“You’re doing it.  Just talk to me.”
“There must be more.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Let’s go outside a minute.”
“No.  I don’t want them to see it.  It’s always worse once they see--”
A horrible tremor shook him and he pressed a fist to his mouth, stiffening to squelch the tremor and keep it from coming back.  I took his arm.  “Tell me how to help.”
“That helps.  Stay like that.”
“What are you thinking of?”
“Tell me where I am.  Tell me you’re here.”
“I’m here and we’re visiting my parents.”  He flipped the pancakes.  “We’re only staying a few days and then we’re going back to school.  In a month we’re leaving school and we’ll have our own apartment.”
“But how long?”
“Until one of us marries.  Then whoever marries has to get a house with a basement so the other can move in.  Unless we decide to live in San Francisco forever; then we won’t have to worry about getting married and we can keep the apartment.”
“I’m sorry Evan.”
“Don’t be sorry.  Hurry with those pancakes so we can leave.  We’re going for coffee and then I’m going to find out which kinds of books you like.  Which kinds of books do you like?”
“I don’t know.  I’ve never read much.”
“Then I’m picking out books for you.”
“All right.”
“Do you like history?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like science?”
“Understand it, anyway.”
“Do you like mysteries?”
“Probably.”
I thought a minute and started laughing.  “That’s awesome.”
“What?”
“Nothing.  I just know exactly which book to get you.”
My mother asked what we were whispering about and I said we were planning our trip downtown.  “You can’t leave today,” she said.
“I’m more help gone than present,” I said.  “And you can’t steal my friend all day.”  He finished the pancakes and set the entire last batch on a plate, buried it in syrup and fruit, and handed it to me with a fork.  
“But it’s Thanksgiving,” my mother continued.
“Not until four.  That’s when dinner starts, right?”  I pushed Caleb into a chair and sat beside him.
“Where’s your breakfast?” my mother asked him.  She couldn’t see but his hand hung below the table and I held onto it.  It held tight to mine and shook.
“Sorry,” he said.  “I’m just not awake enough yet.”  My mother looked curiously at him but he was watching me.  “You’re picking around the grapes.”
“They’re not my favorite.”
“You like them enough squished.”  By the way I laughed  my mother must have thought I’d gone crazy, but Caleb’s hand stopped shaking quite so violently.  Still he didn’t pull it away and I didn’t let it drop.  I did, however, flick a grape-half at him.  He picked it up and ate it.  “There,” he said.
“Your breakfast?”  He nodded.  “Thanks.  I feel much better now.”
Eventually we escaped and drove away.  Caleb looked generally uncomfortable until I told him he could relax.  Then he lay back his head and closed his eyes, breathing deeply as I drove us downtown.  
“Parking garage okay?” I asked, once we neared our destination.  “It’s the same price as the street and the first hour’s free.”
“Of course.  Don’t worry about me.”  He didn’t open his eyes or move his head.
“There are stairs, so we won’t need to take the elevator.  And we’ll park on on the roof.”
“I’m fine.  Really.”
“But I hate elevators.  Nasty, uncomfortable things.”  I smiled but my friend didn’t notice.  “Ever read that?”
“Don’t think so.”
The Hobbit.
“No.  Heard of it.”
“Bilbo says that about adventures.  Nasty, uncomfortable things.  Make you late for dinner.
“Should I read it?”
“You will.”
We stopped at a speed-bump; I pulled the little tag from the machine and set it on the dashboard.  
“Believe it or not,” Caleb said, “I’d rather be on time for dinner than stuck in an elevator.”
“This one isn’t so bad.  Has a big window.”
“So you’re trapped in fishbowl?”
“You’re right.  We’re taking the stairs.”  I parked and Caleb opened his eyes.  “There’s a restaurant and coffee place here that really has fishbowls for people to sit in.  Big, rounded bubble-windows right on the street.  I’d never be able to read or study or do much of anything in there.”
“Is that the shop we’re going to?”
“No, we’re going to the a Starbucks in the Barnes and Noble.  It’s quiet and a floor up so that you look down on everything.”
“Sounds nice.”    
He tensed a little when we came to the street, but by virtue of the day there weren’t too many people about.  It first occurred to me that B&N may not even be open.  Really, they shouldn’t have been open.
And they weren’t.  They weren’t open but the Starbucks across from it was, and without being too crowded.  I guess that was my original idea, anyway.  Caleb and I would have to go book shopping some other time.  He crossed after me to the shop, but reached over my head to open the door.  That was the first smile I’d received since first waking up--and it was a fragile smile.  Inside we sat at the bar against the window.  Different Starbucks locations are considerably diverse.  The one in downtown SLO is my favorite.  Of course, that may only be because I grew up with it and the area around is so lovely.  It has a window with a bar against it, where we sat.  To the left of the bar is the wall of merchandise, to the right is the door.  But the door isn’t close enough to be annoying.  The tables are ample and not too crowded together, and there’s even room for a couple leather armchairs.  There’s what looks like a support post in the middle of some of the tables which is always covered with posters of upcoming events and advertisements for local shops.  It really is a cozy little place, and the baristas are always nice.  When it gets crowded it gets crowded, but today wasn’t bad at all.  As Caleb sat down I asked him what he wanted.  I’d set my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to relax him a little, but he was so stiff that he probably couldn’t feel that I was there.
“Did you say something?” he asked.
“What would you like?”
“Oh, nothing.  Thanks though.”  He reached into his pocket.  
“You’re not paying.”
“I should.  You’re putting me up for three days.”
“You bought lunch yesterday.”
“Then it only makes sense for me to buy coffee today.”
“Do you have any quarters?”
He unzipped his wallet and dumped out a handful of mostly silver change.
“That was a good question.”
“I can never count out change quickly enough to not annoy people, so I pay with bills whenever I can.”   
I laughed.  “Perfect, you can pay for parking.  What would you like to drink?”
“Really, nothing.”
“I’m not getting anything if you don’t.”
“But I don’t know what to get; I don’t even like coffee.  Don’t think I like it, anyway.”  I just stared at him, again trying to make him laugh and not doing an even decent job of it.  “I don’t know--get me what you’d get a six year-old.”
I ordered and waited at the counter.  There were plenty of people working so I knew it wouldn’t take long, especially since I just ordered black coffee.  They got that out in seconds and Caleb’s before I’d finished stirring sugar into mine.  The day was a beautiful one and I didn’t know how I was to convince Caleb of that.  Sometimes I couldn’t.  Today I thought I could.  He wasn’t feeling so bad and it was Thanksgiving.
“What in the world is that?” he asked, when I set down his drink.  
“Venti-sized.  For an incredibly tall six year-old.”
He took a sip and started laughing.  There he was; I knew I could bring him out today.
“I asked for extra whipped cream on it, too.”
“Good. Whipped cream is the best part.”
“Want to sit outside?”
“You’ll get cold.”
“Not with coffee.  It’s too loud in here.”
“Sorry.  I’m mumbling.”
“No you’re not: I can hear you just fine.  The loud’s annoying, and I just remembered a friend I want to introduce you to.  We passed him on the way and didn’t even say hello.”
My friend was curious now and followed me out.  At the edge of the plaza is a bronze casting of an impish, whimsical man dressed in a leafy skirt.  He holds one foot in the air and balances on just the toes of the other, his hand held to his face with one finger extended--showing you the silly little trouble he’s caused and trusting your secrecy.  He is silly little trouble personified.
“Who is it?” I asked Caleb.  He leant toward the plaque but I took his arm.  “Don’t look, just guess.”
“I don’t know.”
“He doesn’t remind you of anyone?”  My friend shook his head.  “Think Shakespeare.”
“I’ve only had high school Shakespeare.”
“What did that consist of?”
Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth--”
Midsummer Night’s Dream?”
“Yes--eighth grade.”
“Then tell me who this is.”
He looked at it a few moments, then smiled.  “Puck, of course.”
“I always liked him but never checked to see who he was.  The first time I passed after reading Midsummer I immediately knew.  I only checked to see if I was right.”

September 10, 2013

So...There

I said I wasn't going to gum up this blog with story bits anymore.

But I haven't written a word all summer.

"A String" is definitely one of my favorite essays, but it has been up far too long.

I haven't even written any story-stuff this summer.  Not a word.  Sad, sad summer.

The excerpt I'm posting was written just before Evan and Caleb decided to shun me.  Little jerks.  I like the scene, though of course it needs plenty of revision.  At the moment it's all I've got.  So...there.


He was staring at something on the ground.  It wasn’t the ground itself because he faced me.   
“We should watch something tonight,” I said.
He nodded.
“Any ideas?”
“You’re the movie guy.”
“You know what I wish?”  He raised his eyebrows.  The thing following us on the ground held his eyes.  We walked through typical San Francisco fog.  I can’t say typical San Francisco weather because there is no such thing.  People think it’s fog but it’s only fog a half-hour before it’s sun again.  Then there’ll be fog six straight days at the Marina while downtown greets mini-skirted girls with eighty-degree sun.  They still dressed that way in the fog, except that they wore sweatshirts too.  I always find that funny.  When girls wear tiny shorts with sweatshirts.  Doesn’t make any sense.  “I wish I could’ve been around when all those movies were made.  Then we could go to the theater and see everything how it was really supposed to be seen.  It was all made for the big screen, you know.”
There was one, a girl with a sweatshirt.  It was an SF State sweatshirt.  The same as mine--that really hideous purple color with the letters in yellow outlined with white.  I’d chosen that one after much thought.  It would be hideous except that it was my college sweatshirt and I loved it all the more because it was really so hideous.  The girl wearing it was actually normal.  She had jeans on rather than something useless.  When she got cold she would be honestly cold.
“Did you see her?” I asked.  My friend shook his head.  He didn’t have to ask who I meant because he was looking down and hadn’t seen anyone.  The girl was pretty.  She was a bit short and had brown hair halfway down her back.  I think her eyes were brown too but I hadn’t met them and what I saw was seen in only an instant.  “That’s too bad.  She was cute.”
He didn’t even nod.  It would’ve been nice, saying something to her. ‘ Hey, I’m at SF State too.  Just finishing my junior year.  What year are you?  Do you like it?’  I could’ve asked about her major.  She looked smart but didn’t walk like she wanted to kill someone.  Not an engineering major, then.  She wasn’t in scrubs and so couldn’t have been nursing.  She wore tennis shoes but wasn’t kinesiology or anything like that, I don’t think.  There seemed to be so many of those.  She only wore tennis shoes because she was walking and smart.  Communications, maybe?  There aren’t many English majors.  If she were communications she probably would’ve thought English a cool major.  ‘There aren’t too many of us.  But it’s what I love, and what better to study than what I love?’  That would’ve been good.  It was true, anyway.  She’d be able to tell that it was true and that I wasn’t just being stupid.  ‘Half the city must have been at SF State at one time or another.’  Definitely communications.  She was textbook communications major.  Pretty, but not crazy.  Smart, but not evil.  I bet she wore glasses at home and liked to go walking early in the morning before the city woke.  Not running: walking.  ‘I had to say something, though, because I have the same sweatshirt you’re wearing.  Isn’t it almost hideous?  I think college sweatshirts should be.  That way you can wear something horrible but people won’t notice that it’s horrible but only that you went to a particular school.  They can gab about it to each other.  That’s a good school.  My grandson’s going there.  San Francisco--what a place to study!’         
Caleb sighed deeply.  I thought it  ironic, that he should sigh.  I would’ve spoken to that girl if he wasn’t with me.  He wouldn’t have had to do anything.  Just stand there and smile once in a while.  She probably would’ve been less likely to think me a creep because I wasn’t alone.  And I knew exactly what to say, too.  
“Seen anywhere to eat?” I asked.  That was mean because I knew he was staring at something on the ground and hadn’t seen anything.
“No.  Sorry.”
“Anything sound good?”  Of course not.  I don’t think he had a problem with food but with the physical act of eating.  For some reason I had to beg him before he would eat anything and even then he sometimes refused.  Why he couldn’t just act like a normal person was beyond me.  He knew I wanted him to eat but still made me beg.
“Whatever you’d like is fine.”
He wouldn’t even look up.  Usually I love the fog but today it annoyed me.  I didn’t want it to be foggy.  If the sun were out then I may not have noticed the pretty girl with my sweatshirt.  
“Ever been on a date, Caleb?”
“Me?  No.”
“Didn’t think so.  Do you even notice girls?”
“I notice.  Never can to talk to them, though.”
Still he watched the ground.  What could he possibly be looking at?  His stare was intense.  Upon this great something hinged his entire world.  I found it funny that he was so tall.  And when he got shy like this his shoulders bunched up to his ears and made him even taller.  He didn’t have to be so stiff like that.  There weren’t that many people around--normal city flow.  No one bumped into us.  “Do you really?  Tell me about one.”
He swallowed.  It was just me.  He didn’t have to get nervous around me. Hadn’t I proved that to him a thousand times?  Opening his mouth couldn’t be so incredibly difficult.  “The girl who brought your coffee--remember her, from a couple days ago?”
“Not really.”
“I guess you didn’t really see her.  She came from behind you.  She had those black-framed glasses without lenses that everyone wears, and had bleached her hair so that it was really, really light.  That’s not usually my favorite.  But she was really pretty anyway.  She bit her lip because your coffee almost spilled.  That was still behind you, though, so you didn’t see.  I remember that her mouth was really pretty and she didn’t have anything on it.”  He swallowed again.  I wondered why he didn’t close his eyes, if he couldn’t look up.  What was he watching?
“Sorry I missed her,” I said.
He nodded.  I looked around because I did want to lunch somewhere.  Being annoyed makes me hungry.  Especially when I start to realize what a jerk I’m being, so I’m still annoyed at whomever I’m annoyed at and also annoyed with myself.
My feet.  That was it.  Dear God--he was watching my feet.  I stopped walking and so did he.  
“Do you want to go home, Caleb?”
He looked into my face now but not into my eyes.  How had I not seen it?  The pain was so great that he couldn’t even look in my eyes.  But he still looked at me.  Looked hard at me.  He was frightened to death.  I put my hand on his arm and watched the slow way he blinked.
“Why don’t we go home.”
“You wanted to eat somewhere.”
“I changed my mind.  We’ll go home and just make something.”
“There isn’t much at home.”
“We’ll make a party out of it.  We’ll order pizza and watch movies.  We’ll watch some of that Marx Brothers set I just bought.”  He was sick.  He was sick all the time because he couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat and everything terrified him.
“But it’s our one free day.  All week you’ve wanted to go exploring.”
“I’m done with exploring.”  We turned back and started walking.  He watched my feet again.  “We’re going home.  I bet you’ve never even heard of the Marx Brothers.”
“We don’t have to, Evan.”
I took his hand, and when it shied away I held tighter.  He could watch my feet if he wanted, but I was going to hold his hand.  “I don’t want anymore argument.  We’re going home and watching A Night at the Opera.  And if you think you’re going to slip away with some girl wearing dark-rimmed glasses,” I held up our hands, “then you are terribly mistaken.”
I got a smile out of him with that.  His hand was cold but held warmly to mine, now.  Now he could close his eyes as we walked.

April 16, 2013

Sabella

At that moment I fell in love with Sabella: as she set his clenched fingers to her mouth, drawing his footsteps after hers in spite of his shoulders withered back.

Right now her name is Sabella Cotter, but I might change her last name.

She's not being easy on me.  There's a lot to her, and she's just not going to show herself at once.  She's hard and cold and guarded and kind and affectionate and trusting.

“Stop the car.” Caleb said.
“What?”
“Pull over!”
I did, and before the key turned my friend jumped out.  I followed him.
We ran back the way we had come, turning into an alleyway.  Before us slouched a bundle of black wool.  Caleb knelt beside it, slipped back the hood to reveal a woman’s face.
“My God--”
“Hush.”  He eased the thin, still mouth to his ear.  A rapid instant later he had her in his arms and we ran to the car.
“How long?” he asked, in the back seat with the woman’s head on his knees.
“Just a few minutes.  Can she make it?”
He’d unbuttoned her coat, and now pressed his hand up and down her back.  “I’m trying.”

I don't know if her story will ever be told in the book.  Some of it will, at least, but probably not the entire story.  Caleb hears the entire story.  Evan, most likely, does not.

Sabella's parents are quite wealthy and quite distant; she was their problem child.  At fifteen she ran away with the guy she was in love with.  He, like most guys who would seduce a girl of fifteen, had no intention of marrying or taking care of her in any way.  He was abusive, but she loved him and is loyal by nature, and so took it for a long time.  Eventually she could't take more, and left.  She tried to go home, but her parents wouldn't take her back.  Thus she lives on the streets of San Francisco.

When Caleb finds her she is unconscious in an alley, having overdosed on some medication with the intent of committing suicide.  She is nineteen, at this point.  I don't know which medication.  Xanax (anxiolytic) has the exact side-effects, but is fairly difficult to obtain.  Prozac (antidepressant) has side-effects which would work though they are not exact, but is ridiculously easy to obtain.  Disgustingly easy.  My uncle went to the doctor for bronchitis and came home with an antidepressant.  Apparently his being a police officer was enough to demand one.  The only person to ever have trouble getting sufficiently strong medication is my father, who just happens to have bipolar disorder.  Go figure.  Anyway, Sabella is smart and knows how to get a hold of something, and attempts suicide.  If Caleb hadn't noticed her from Evan's moving car, she would have succeeded.

She came to slowly, rolling her head from side to side, extending and releasing her back.  Then her eyes opened, just tired, at first.  But shortly they turned confused.  Then remembering.  Then frightened.  Caleb cut to her side and knelt, whispering as he brought her into his arm and tilted her head toward him.  A little hand raised close, as if by weakness it could stay him, but he took the hand and pressed it, whispering while the fear in her eyes recoiled into blankness.  He stood; still I could not tell her age.

Sabella is five-foot six and on the slim side.  When she gets too thin the bones of her shoulders poke out rather noticeably.  Her hair is black when Caleb and Evan first meet her, but, naturally, it is a medium brown.  Her eyes are darker even than Evan's; when filled with water their pupils and irises meld together into unfathomable and beautiful darkness.

Sabella has a sweet voice, though not sweet in the way sweet voices are usually sweet.  It’s a rich, warming kind of sweet.  A low kind of sweet.  Maybe.  Really it has no tone, or else eddies soft as all tones rolled together.  If the whispers which swell along the ocean floor are low, then her voice, too, is low.

I recently shared a favorite film with some friends.  It's also one of Evan's favorites.

Tiny circle.  Sabella’s lovely hand sculpted a deep, tiny circle [on my friend's back].  She looked at me and I looked at her.
“Do you ever watch silent films?” I asked.
“I haven’t.  Should I?”
“I like them, but I like things like that.”
“What are your favorites?”
“That’s a hard question.  I was thinking of one called The Lodger when I asked, though.”
“What’s that one?”
“It’s a Hitchcock actually.”
“I didn’t know he made silents.”
“Neither did I, for a long time.”
“What's it about?”
“Jack the Ripper.  Sort of.  I guess that’s not exactly a nice topic.”
She laughed again.  Softly.  “Not exactly.  But you like the film, so it must be good.”
“It’s slow at first.  Almost like the editor drank too much before work.  But then you find that what you thought all along isn’t true, and the guy you thought the villain is actually a hero--which is nice because even though he’s set up to seem evil you can’t help but like him.  And at the end there’s some really great symbolism, and a love story throughout the whole thing.”
Caleb started suddenly, apologizing.  Sabella crossed her arms over his chest and asked why.  Why, Caleb?  Because you relaxed a moment?  Relax again.  Relax again.  He had, laying only half-conscious in the bend of her arm. Yet his breath heaved wildly.  That was when I first realized how the dark terrified him.  Even more--even far, far more than the scathing light did the dark terrify him.  The woman’s magnificent eyes looked at me and I stretched out a hand to take my friend’s.
“What made you think of it?” Sabella asked.  “That film, why did you think of it?”
“You remind me of the daughter.”
“Do I?”
“I always liked her.  She’s gentle and comforting.  And lovely of course.  You remind me of her, anyway.”   

The scenes I have 'finished' are lame because Sabella is making herself a great deal of work.  I can't seem to write her right.  I think working with me a bit is the least she could do.

If you haven't seen The Lodger, by the way, you really should.  Don't watch the talkie--the story is different.  Apparently someone recorded new music to go with the silent version, which I hope is excellent.  The music on my copy is just so wretched.  There is no way it was actually written to go with the film.  It ruins the story for Matthew.

Matthew is my musically brilliant younger brother.  Who grows taller every day.  Who is incredibly thin.  Who is painfully shy.  Who is one of the best people in the world.  Hmm.......

I'm going to show you a photo from The Lodger simply because I can.  So there.


AW!!!!!