June 22, 2015

Speech

Yes, this is still cheating, but I have been writing a story, and will type a bit of it within the next few days. Until then, here is the speech I gave at my graduation. I hope you enjoy it.

If you all had seen me this morning, jogging back to my apartment with no shoes, hair unbrushed, and my freshly printed valedictory speech in my hand, you would have gotten a pretty clear picture of my life at Saint Katherine.  My mind is swirling with stories as I stand up here, and what I want to do at this moment is tell you about the time Ariel and I stayed up talking so late that she wondered if we were ethically required to paint our nails, and when Hannah logically concluded that we had to eat all the ice cream, and when Ben said something uncouth just to put my brother at ease during his first visit, and when Josiah and I spent the entire day watching Marvel films, broken only by a run for onion rings and milkshakes.  But, even if you enjoyed the stories, you would not fully understand them.  What I want to give you is the joy of them, and although these are my joys, you all have your own.  What I want to tell you about today, then, is how God has answered my prayer for joy.  During my time at school, through the influence some truly wonderful classes, excellent Professors, and dear friends, I have come to know, if only in a small way, what George MacDonald knew when he said that “One day, we shall laugh ourselves to scorn that we looked for so little from [God]; for [His] giving will not be limited by our hoping."
 At the beginning of this semester I found myself lacking in hope, and therefore incapable of joy.  This is a lack I have not often suffered from, simply because my life thus far has been a muddle of miracles.  God has been so very good to me that, in consequence I have sometimes thought myself in possession of too much hope.  Joy and hope are inextricably linked, and if we can count childishness as an expression of joy, then there are several people here today who can attest to some joy in me.  My own baby brother, who is now seventeen and much taller than I am, has concluded that I am eternally six years old.
At the moment, I have three icons of saints:  Saint Andrew the Apostle, which is actually the back of my home parish’s business card, Saint Jude the Apostle, also called Thaddeus, and Saint Sarah, the wife of Abraham.  When, a couple months ago, I finally stopped thinking that I could force myself to feel joyful again, I began to ask God to give me joy.  While praying, I thought about who exactly Saint Jude and Saint Sarah are, and I asked them for help, as well.
My story with Saint Jude begins before I knew him.  My mother, during a troubled time, learned his prayer upon seeing it in a newspaper.  I knew little of him until last year, when my friend introduced me to a book and show following the adventures of a priest and curate in a Parish dedicated to the saint.  Saint Jude is the Patron of lost causes and hopeless situations, so the little Saint Jude pin my friend gave me (which I have right here) was given as much as a teasing insult as a friendly token.  You can imagine, surely, the wonderful jokes regarding the fact that I have, twice, nearly lost the pin -- even Saint Jude has given up on me.  As I prayed, I could hardly presume myself to be in a hopeless situation.  My only real situation was feeling hopeless, but still, I asked Saint Jude to give me hope.
I am sure I do not speak only for myself when I profess a feeling of apprenticeship in regard to my namesake, who for me, of course, is Saint Sarah, the wife of Abraham.  As a young child I liked my name, though the story of my middle name (involving a film star and a wager) is far more fun to tell.  However, as I grew older, I discovered three reasons to dislike it.  Firstly, the name Sara means “Princess,” and though my parents always told me that it meant “God’s Princess,” every fictional character I encountered who shared my name was spoilt and petulant.  Secondly, I took issue with my namesake, Saint Sarah.  Her treatment of Hagar appalled me, and I felt the guilt of it.  Lastly, and this didn’t start until I grew older, others pointed out how Saint Sarah laughed at God.  What kind of person laughs at God?  On her behalf, I was humiliated.
As a Chrismation gift from my parents, I received a medal of Saint Sarah (which I have right here), and learned that she is the Patron Saint of laughter.  All at once I saw my saint in a true way.  Over two years at this school I made friends who, to their possible chagrin, know how much I love them, and now I am convinced that there is nothing more beautiful than the laughter of someone close to your heart.  Laughter is but the embodiment of joy, and my saint is the saint of laughter.
I wish I could explain to you how fully God answered my prayer.  I thought joy was a gift I had been given from childhood, and it is, but when I asked God for joy, He gave me a glimpse of Paradise.  I know that I cannot tell you much about it, not only because I am little more than a child, but because it is a joy which overwhelms, though God is so great, I know I have had only the tiniest taste of it.
One of my favorite of all the classes I have taken at Saint Katherine is Professor Gilbert’s “Person and Society,” which I was lucky enough to take with both Arianna and Lauren.  The  specific picture I have of them in class is as a part of the day we made Professor Gilbert question reality.  Ben and Quinn were making puns, Arianna was heartily laughing at them, Josiah and I burst into song, and Lauren just looked at us all incredulously.  Professor Gilbert sat down before us all and asked, “Where am I?”  Amidst all the antics, we studied a number of excellent books, one of which was C.S. Lewis’s Till We Have Faces.  Believe it or not, it is not a requirement to quote Lewis in a valedictory address at Saint Katherine College.  It just happens.  Anyway, the words I want to share with you are from Psyche.  She says,  “It was when I was happiest that I longed most...The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing...to find the place where all the beauty came from.”
At Saint Katherine College, we increase our joy by learning about where the beauty came from, and striving together to come closer to that place.  Thank you all so much for coming, and thank you for giving the three of us the chance to travel so much further.  I wish you all hot tea, beautiful fairy tales, and all the joy God has waiting for you.  Thank you.

May 20, 2015

My Small Friend has Put me to Shame

My dear friend, Ariel, has been blogging beautiful things all year.  I could say that she has time to write while I have not, since she graduated last year, but the fact of her teaching job flattens that argument.  Suffice it to say that I am thoroughly ashamed of myself, and mean to be a better blogger in the future.

My friend's blog can be found here, and I highly recommend it.  Her last post features a sonnet she wrote for me (which I strive to be worthy of), and so here I will post the sonnet I wrote for her (which she surpasses) last year.  Cheating, yes, but it is still new to the blog, if not to me!


Ariel



My friend is small but Lion is her name.
Bright Lion Child; a queen of feyish height,
Come light with cheer for souls lost at mountain’s
Foot: gives them joy for joy and sword for fight.
My friend is sweet but keeps a sword sound-safe
In her pocket.  If parchment were the soil,
Then all the world whole would her small sword make,
And fairies dance where today goblins spoil.
My friend is quiet, but she laughs so to
Ignite the sky with sunset--drown the dry,
Loveless desert with blesséd water. Through
Sad eve’ning her glad voice good still supplies.
Run to my friend if a kind ear you seek,
Or, more still, hush and hear the Lion speak.



I wrote another sonnet last year, at the same time Ariel wrote this wonderful poem, and since I have just left my college without the promise of return in the fall, it feels as apt now as it did at the time of writing.


To the Year


In verse their faces venture I to catch;
With oil and water struggles brush to note
Their voices vibrant.  Stills, though, cannot match
The real.  Solely to thought one must not devote.
Now snap the photograph, write quick the quote:
Be still, be still for memory may not
This moment keep still.  Future none makes hote
His voice, her eyes, your laugh permanent wrought;
No yarn to fastly stitch, nor ink to blot.
While days and eve’nings rapidly move on:
Those songs, these dances, mem’ries which cannot
Again be made.  How glad we are that dawn
These days brings promised joy: wine, bread,
And love and comforts known if never said.



July 7, 2014

First, I Fell in Love with God

I follow the popular "Humans of New York" page on Facebook.  The comments on these posts are rather predictable: one or two people will speak against the negative commentators (whose comments are so far down that one rarely reads them), and the rest speak some words of accolade and encouragement.

A picture of a young man popped up today, and his quote made me particularly happy.  It is, "Before I entered seminary, I fell in love with God. A few months into seminary, I fell in love with philosophy. Two years into seminary, I fell in love with a girl."  This is exactly as things should be.  When my mother tells me about first meeting my father, she always says that he loved God more than anyone she had ever met.  She didn't know there still were people who were so in love with God.  The reason she fell in love with him was because he was in love with God.

The negative comments were the top comments on this post.  Why?  How can we expect to truly love anyone, if we do not first love God?  How can we trust that anyone would love us, if we do not believe that God loves us?  When I take literature classes at Cuesta, my writing is most often critiqued as being too simple in theme.  My teacher this summer told me that my writing and thematic choices are at a high school level.  

It is all quite simple, really, and the great complexity of things lies in their simplicity.  This young man loved God, and then loved true learning because he already knew the single truth, and then loved a girl with an actual love.  We cannot love if we do not first love God.

My friend Hannah and I got into a texting conversation last night, and, as usual, I wrote way more than is normal for text messages.  I think a bit of it, though, is relevant here.  We were discussing the ideal of perfection in families.

Loving people see the perfection of their beloveds through all their imperfections...You've read The Great Divorce, right?  One ghost has a lizard on his shoulder who constantly fills him with all manner of wrongness.  The "real" man tears the lizard from the ghost an throws it on the ground.  The lizard dies, and resurrects as a perfect stallion.  When we love people we see and acknowledge the lizard, but we know that the lizard is really a stallion.  The worldly view of perfection denies the existence of lizards, and therefore denies the existence of stallions.  One person "loves" another, but denies all that is deeply true about the person they think they love."

When we deny the love of God, we deny the love of anyone.  When we deny God, we deny love altogether.

Here's the link to the Humans of New York post: LINK

June 28, 2014

A Poem Inspired By Phantastes

I just read George MacDonald's Phantastes, the theme of which happens to be particularly relevant to wonderings and conversations which take up a good bit of my life at the moment.  This theme is beautifully stated in a poem within the book.

Better to sit at the waters' birth,
     Than a sea of waves to win;
To live in the love that floweth forth,
     Than the love that cometh in.

Be thy heart a well of love, my child,
     Flowing, and free, and sure;
For a cistern of love, though undefiled,
     Keeps not the spirit pure.

I have been writing sonnets as of late, and feel I am improving.  The above poem meant so much to me that I attempted to write one which quotes it.  Hope you enjoy.


"Be thou a well of love," I read in old,
Most dear of stories.  But, "Be thou thine own
Full fountain, self secure," I now am told.
For, "from a well is love drawn out: the stone
Which holds thee up shall age and crack; the deep
Of water dry and lonesome be, for wells
Which give will give and give till dry.  She weeps
For ev'ry parchéd tongue whose thirst she quells,
Who, whole made through her love, move on to love
The greater.  Be then, dear heart, fountain for
Thyself.  Be thou thine warmth own, thine own love."
And yet, if into empty hearts we pour,
Ever give love, though love we never get:
Alone be we, but lone not with regret.

February 18, 2014

Train Ride to Encinitas

I'm on a train back to school.  High fog veils the sun, making delicate the way it spreads out over the water.  When the fog is high like this it makes the sun a drop of white-gold watercolor, seeping outward and melding into the clouds so that you know about where it is but not where exactly.  I'd like to paint that sun.  I'd like to paint the ocean.  I sit here sipping on tea and wondering how I will manage to paint the ocean.  The ocean is grey but it is the type of grey which is composed of a thousand shades of blue and ivory.  It's the ocean which reminds one not of summer and sandwiches but of seagulls and long skirts in the wind and holding hands.  I'm enjoying the tea but want to get off this train and run down to the water.  I want to call my friends and tell them to go to the water, because the day is beautiful and I'd like to give them a beautiful day.  I fell asleep at the station and dreamt that one of them traveled with me.  I almost wish he did, because he loves the sky and the water as much as I do.



December 17, 2013

Evan and Caleb in SLO




There's a picture here because, suddenly, I can't post a Facebook link to this post without a picture.  If I don't add a picture, my profile picture will appear in large format beside the link.  I'd rather something other than my face appear on all the Fb walls.

Evan, as you may remember, grew up in San Luis Obispo. This bit (which directly follows the last scene presented in this post) takes place over the Thanksgiving break Caleb spends with Evan and his family. I just re-read it, of course, because I'll be headed back to SLO in a couple days and am excited.  

A few things good to know:
-They've spent the night in Evan's room, Evan on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed set and Caleb seated on the floor because he can't actually sleep.
-Evan burnt his hand in the oven the night before
-Evan drank too much the night before

Enjoy!


When I  woke the next morning he was leant against the wall adjacent me, the cased violin cradled in his lap.  Long fingers draped over it.
“Morning,” I said.
He opened weary eyes, and smiled.  “Headache?”
“Nonexistent.”
“Good.  How about your hand?”
“Existent.  What’s the time?”
He glanced at the clock by the door.  “Nine thirty.”
“Perfect time for coffee.”
“Can I get you some?”
“I thought we were going out.”
“We are if you’d like to.”  He stood.  “But let me get you something to eat, first.”
Some minutes after he slipped away I remembered that it was Thanksgiving.  I got up and dressed and went out into the kitchen.  Caleb stood above the stove, spatula in hand as my mother instructed him.
“Wow,” I said.  My friend looked straight at me while my mother scurried over to say good morning.  “When you offered breakfast this isn’t what I pictured.”
He tried to laugh but it didn’t work.  “Me neither.  To be honest I’d planned cold cereal.”  He flipped a pancake and checked the others.  My mother went to check that he had checked properly.
“Notice I’m not enlisted,” I said.  “I can’t cook at all.”
“You’re home visiting!” my mother said.  “Otherwise I would enlist you.”
“Caleb’s the guest, though.  Wrong place at the wrong time.”  My mother went back to chopping fruit and I stood at my friend’s side.  “Can you seriously cook?” I asked.
“Not seriously.”
“You don’t eat yet you know how to cook.”  SLO has a million great coffee shops and I’ve tried most all of them.  I thought we’d just do Starbucks this morning, though.  My favorite places are quite small: small enough that I’d be recognized in them.  Going into a coffee shop where the baristas know you is ridiculously fun.  But I didn’t want anyone to know me today.  There’s a Barnes and Noble across from the Starbucks I thought of.  It’s a great little area--almost like a plaza because it’s between two streets and has only foot traffic.  Then I got an even better idea.  Inside the Barnes and Noble, on the upper floor, is another Starbucks.  There’s a mural painted around with Hemingway and Woolf and Eliot and everyone drinking coffee and being brilliant.  There are tables along floor-to-ceiling windows, and since it’s still a part of the bookstore everyone is quiet.  No traffic of any kind.  That was the perfect place to go.  
All Caleb’s pancakes were perfect.  Uniformly sized and everything.  I asked him how he managed that.  He didn’t respond right away, and when he did it was with an apology.  I asked why.
“I’ll try to eat something.”
“I don’t care.  I was trying to make you laugh.”
He swallowed.  “I’m sorry.”
“That’s all right.  What’s the matter?”
My mother came and checked the pancakes again.  They were restaraunt quality and she could’ve stopped checking.
“I’ll tell them you don’t feel well,” I said, after she’d left.  “You don’t look like you feel well.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing.”
“There’s nothing wrong.”
“There’s something terribly wrong.”
“Please don’t sound upset with me.”
“I’m not upset.  Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll do something about it.”
“You don’t need to do anything.”  He poured fresh batter onto the skillet.  “It just won’t stop.  It went mostly away last night but when I came out it started again and started worse.”
“What?”
He shook his head.  “It isn’t anything.  I get them all the time.  Just not in a while.”
“What do you need?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.  Tell me what to do.”
“You’re doing it.  Just talk to me.”
“There must be more.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Let’s go outside a minute.”
“No.  I don’t want them to see it.  It’s always worse once they see--”
A horrible tremor shook him and he pressed a fist to his mouth, stiffening to squelch the tremor and keep it from coming back.  I took his arm.  “Tell me how to help.”
“That helps.  Stay like that.”
“What are you thinking of?”
“Tell me where I am.  Tell me you’re here.”
“I’m here and we’re visiting my parents.”  He flipped the pancakes.  “We’re only staying a few days and then we’re going back to school.  In a month we’re leaving school and we’ll have our own apartment.”
“But how long?”
“Until one of us marries.  Then whoever marries has to get a house with a basement so the other can move in.  Unless we decide to live in San Francisco forever; then we won’t have to worry about getting married and we can keep the apartment.”
“I’m sorry Evan.”
“Don’t be sorry.  Hurry with those pancakes so we can leave.  We’re going for coffee and then I’m going to find out which kinds of books you like.  Which kinds of books do you like?”
“I don’t know.  I’ve never read much.”
“Then I’m picking out books for you.”
“All right.”
“Do you like history?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like science?”
“Understand it, anyway.”
“Do you like mysteries?”
“Probably.”
I thought a minute and started laughing.  “That’s awesome.”
“What?”
“Nothing.  I just know exactly which book to get you.”
My mother asked what we were whispering about and I said we were planning our trip downtown.  “You can’t leave today,” she said.
“I’m more help gone than present,” I said.  “And you can’t steal my friend all day.”  He finished the pancakes and set the entire last batch on a plate, buried it in syrup and fruit, and handed it to me with a fork.  
“But it’s Thanksgiving,” my mother continued.
“Not until four.  That’s when dinner starts, right?”  I pushed Caleb into a chair and sat beside him.
“Where’s your breakfast?” my mother asked him.  She couldn’t see but his hand hung below the table and I held onto it.  It held tight to mine and shook.
“Sorry,” he said.  “I’m just not awake enough yet.”  My mother looked curiously at him but he was watching me.  “You’re picking around the grapes.”
“They’re not my favorite.”
“You like them enough squished.”  By the way I laughed  my mother must have thought I’d gone crazy, but Caleb’s hand stopped shaking quite so violently.  Still he didn’t pull it away and I didn’t let it drop.  I did, however, flick a grape-half at him.  He picked it up and ate it.  “There,” he said.
“Your breakfast?”  He nodded.  “Thanks.  I feel much better now.”
Eventually we escaped and drove away.  Caleb looked generally uncomfortable until I told him he could relax.  Then he lay back his head and closed his eyes, breathing deeply as I drove us downtown.  
“Parking garage okay?” I asked, once we neared our destination.  “It’s the same price as the street and the first hour’s free.”
“Of course.  Don’t worry about me.”  He didn’t open his eyes or move his head.
“There are stairs, so we won’t need to take the elevator.  And we’ll park on on the roof.”
“I’m fine.  Really.”
“But I hate elevators.  Nasty, uncomfortable things.”  I smiled but my friend didn’t notice.  “Ever read that?”
“Don’t think so.”
“The Hobbit.”
“No.  Heard of it.”
“Bilbo says that about adventures.  Nasty, uncomfortable things.  Make you late for dinner.”
“Should I read it?”
“You will.”
We stopped at a speed-bump; I pulled the little tag from the machine and set it on the dashboard.  
“Believe it or not,” Caleb said, “I’d rather be on time for dinner than stuck in an elevator.”
“This one isn’t so bad.  Has a big window.”
“So you’re trapped in fishbowl?”
“You’re right.  We’re taking the stairs.”  I parked and Caleb opened his eyes.  “There’s a restaurant and coffee place here that really has fishbowls for people to sit in.  Big, rounded bubble-windows right on the street.  I’d never be able to read or study or do much of anything in there.”
“Is that the shop we’re going to?”
“No, we’re going to the a Starbucks in the Barnes and Noble.  It’s quiet and a floor up so that you look down on everything.”
“Sounds nice.”    
He tensed a little when we came to the street, but by virtue of the day there weren’t too many people about.  It first occurred to me that B&N may not even be open.  Really, they shouldn’t have been open.
And they weren’t.  They weren’t open but the Starbucks across from it was, and without being too crowded.  I guess that was my original idea, anyway.  Caleb and I would have to go book shopping some other time.  He crossed after me to the shop, but reached over my head to open the door.  That was the first smile I’d received since first waking up--and it was a fragile smile.  Inside we sat at the bar against the window.  Different Starbucks locations are considerably diverse.  The one in downtown SLO is my favorite.  Of course, that may only be because I grew up with it and the area around is so lovely.  It has a window with a bar against it, where we sat.  To the left of the bar is the wall of merchandise, to the right is the door.  But the door isn’t close enough to be annoying.  The tables are ample and not too crowded together, and there’s even room for a couple leather armchairs.  There’s what looks like a support post in the middle of some of the tables which is always covered with posters of upcoming events and advertisements for local shops.  It really is a cozy little place, and the baristas are always nice.  When it gets crowded it gets crowded, but today wasn’t bad at all.  As Caleb sat down I asked him what he wanted.  I’d set my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to relax him a little, but he was so stiff that he probably couldn’t feel that I was there.
“Did you say something?” he asked.
“What would you like?”
“Oh, nothing.  Thanks though.”  He reached into his pocket.  
“You’re not paying.”
“I should.  You’re putting me up for three days.”
“You bought lunch yesterday.”
“Then it only makes sense for me to buy coffee today.”
“Do you have any quarters?”
He unzipped his wallet and dumped out a handful of mostly silver change.
“That was a good question.”
“I can never count out change quickly enough to not annoy people, so I pay with bills whenever I can.”   
I laughed.  “Perfect, you can pay for parking.  What would you like to drink?”
“Really, nothing.”
“I’m not getting anything if you don’t.”
“But I don’t know what to get; I don’t even like coffee.  Don’t think I like it, anyway.”  I just stared at him, again trying to make him laugh and not doing an even decent job of it.  “I don’t know--get me what you’d get a six year-old.”
I ordered and waited at the counter.  There were plenty of people working so I knew it wouldn’t take long, especially since I just ordered black coffee.  They got that out in seconds and Caleb’s before I’d finished stirring sugar into mine.  The day was a beautiful one and I didn’t know how I was to convince Caleb of that.  Sometimes I couldn’t.  Today I thought I could.  He wasn’t feeling so bad and it was Thanksgiving.
“What in the world is that?” he asked, when I set down his drink.  
“Venti-sized.  For an incredibly tall six year-old.”
He took a sip and started laughing.  There he was; I knew I could bring him out today.
“I asked for extra whipped cream on it, too.”
“Good. Whipped cream is the best part.”
“Want to sit outside?”
“You’ll get cold.”
“Not with coffee.  It’s too loud in here.”
“Sorry.  I’m mumbling.”
“No you’re not: I can hear you just fine.  The loud’s annoying, and I just remembered a friend I want to introduce you to.  We passed him on the way and didn’t even say hello.”
My friend was curious now and followed me out.  At the edge of the plaza is a bronze casting of an impish, whimsical man dressed in a leafy skirt.  He holds one foot in the air and balances on just the toes of the other, his hand held to his face with one finger extended--showing you the silly little trouble he’s caused and trusting your secrecy.  He is silly little trouble personified.
“Who is it?” I asked Caleb.  He leant toward the plaque but I took his arm.  “Don’t look, just guess.”
“I don’t know.”
“He doesn’t remind you of anyone?”  My friend shook his head.  “Think Shakespeare.”
“I’ve only had high school Shakespeare.”
“What did that consist of?”
“Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth--”
“Midsummer Night’s Dream?”
“Yes--eighth grade.”
“Then tell me who this is.”
He looked at it a few moments, then smiled.  “Puck, of course.”
“I always liked him but never checked to see who he was.  The first time I passed after reading Midsummer I immediately knew.  I only checked to see if I was right.”

December 4, 2013

A Christmas Story!

Of my finished children's stories, this is my favorite.  Through the beginning I wonder if it really came out how I wanted, but by the end I'm really proud of it.  The original idea belongs to Matty, so I wrote this story as a Christmas gift to him.  It did actually come with a red wool scarf.  My apologies for the odd formatting; I can't seem to fix it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story.


Daniel's Scarf of Royal Red Wool




“Run, run, run!” That was all Daniel could think as those horrid dogs pursued him. Why hunt foxes? And especially foxes like Daniel, a tiny ball of fluff who had never stolen anything, not so much as a single skinny chicken! He was just a bundle of cinnamon red and sugar white; he could never hurt anyone!


Yet still those dogs chased him. They snapped at his heels and tail, and barked so that his ears rang. He ran as fast as his lithe, springy legs could manage, but soon he jerked backward, feeling a sharp pain in his leg.


A dog had him! It whipped him back and forth, and he saw the world fading. Black splotches overwhelmed him -- in a moment he would be gone forever…


“Stop!” he heard a voice say. He tried to look up, but his head smacked on the earth, and the splotches swirled all around. He heard the dogs squealing, and their heavy feet pounding further and further away.


“Poor little fox!” the voice said. “You’re no more than a baby.” Daniel felt hands slipping underneath him, and whined. “Don’t be scared,” the voice said. Daniel opened his eyes to see a boy, to whom the voice belonged, gently gathering him in his arms. “Those wicked dogs can’t get you now. I’ll take you home with me.” Daniel couldn’t fight, so the boy carried him away.


“Here we are,” the boy said, after walking a long time. The fox saw that they were in a small tent, of which only half was a tent, and the other half a stony wall. He lay on a blanket on the floor, and the boy knelt over him. The boy wore tattered, mud-speckled, ugly brown clothes. But somehow he didn’t look like the friendless and penniless orphan he was. He could be a princeling, especially with the scarf fastened round his neck. The scarf was thick and long, free of the smallest fleck of dirt, and a deep, rich red: a child of ruby and garnet.


“Now let me see your leg,” the boy said. “Nasty hounds! But I’ll take care of you.” Daniel shivered with fright. Though only a kit, he very well knew to trust not any creature, whether it be dog, or cat, or bird, or bear, or human, or even fox. Every creature meant harm to every other, especially to defenseless ones! But he couldn’t escape because his leg hurt too much, and head spun as if in a whirlpool. The boy’s face turned sad when he noticed Daniel shaking, and pet him, over his pointy ears and down his furry back. This felt so nice that Daniel forgot to be afraid, and quickly fell asleep.


When he first woke he didn’t remember anything. His leg ached a bit, but not much, and he hardly perceived it with all the new sensations meeting him. He felt cloaked in warmth unlike that of any hole, and softness unequalled by the most perfect leaf pile. All this gave him an indisputable assurance of complete safety.


“Good morning!” Daniel looked up to see the boy enter the tent. “Did you sleep well?” Daniel yawned. “I’m glad. I have some breakfast for you.” Daniel tried to stand, but his sore leg wouldn’t cooperate. “You can stay there,” the boy said, placing a wooden dish of cooked eggs in front of the fox, and sitting down with another. They both ate every morsel of the humble fare, and before the boy removed his dish Daniel dozed into another irresistible slumber.


When next he woke he noticed on what he slept. The beautiful red scarf coiled beneath and around him; the most tender of all beds and quilts. Daniel’s heart overtook him, and he began to yip. The boy rushed in, and Daniel continued to cry, waving his fragile paws in the air as the boy crouched beside him.


“What’s the matter?” the boy asked. Daniel pushed himself up on his three unharmed legs and cried until, at last, the boy picked him up. Then he licked the boy’s face until it shone like a stream in the sun. The boy laughed, hugging and stroking the baby fox. “So you’re my friend now?” he asked. Daniel curled up on his lap. “I hope you’ll stay with me. I get horribly lonely.” Daniel licked his nose. “We’ll be the happiest friends in the world, little fox!”


The next day the boy took Daniel outside the tent, where there was a fire pit, a pan, two wooden dishes, one wooden spoon, a jug of water, and a small pen which housed three chickens. “I don’t have much,” the boy explained, carrying Daniel like a newborn. “But it is enough. The chickens provide eggs, usually two a day, which we can eat, and if we find other food we can sell the eggs. That’s how I got the dishes, and spoon, and pan, and water jug. I stole the chickens, which I hope you’ll forgive me for. There is a small creek about ten minutes’ walk from here, and I boil its water in the pan before drinking it. Of course we’re in a forest, so firewood is easy to find. I used forest wood to build the pen too.” He turned toward the tent. “I found this tent here. For a long time I feared that whomever made it would come back, but that hasn’t happened yet.”


In a few more days Daniel’s leg healed completely. The boy was very happy about this, but come evening he seemed upset. Daniel rubbed his ears to the boy’s leg. “I’m afraid I can’t feed you tonight,” the boy said. “The chickens didn’t lay a single egg today, and since it is winter there’s nothing growing. I’m sorry.” Daniel looked up at him, then dashed away into the forest.


“Wait!” the boy called, running after him a few paces. But Daniel sprint far too speedily, and soon vanished from sight. He stopped then, sniffing and scratching the ground. After a few minutes he discovered what he wanted, dug it up, and raced back home.


The boy sat on the ground, crying. Daniel dropped what he held in his mouth and nudged his way into the boy’s lap. The boy instantly embraced him. “Please stay!” the boy sobbed. “I’ll find some type of food, I promise!” Daniel squirmed until released, then picked up the small, red-purple roots he had brought. “Radishes!” the boy exclaimed, again tightly clasping Daniel. “You weren’t going away; you only went to get radishes!” Daniel snuggled down, and the boy never again doubted him.


The boy and Daniel enjoyed their quiet days in the cold air, and their comfortable nights nestled together beneath the rag-like blanket. Once they ventured into town, but all the people shot them cruel stares; one man dared approach and lustfully finger Daniel’s cinnamon-sugar coat. The boy angrily rebuked him, speaking so boldly that the man, who was ten times bigger than the boy, slunk away. Daniel buried his muzzle in the folds of the majestic scarf. It suited the boy precisely, as if declaring that he was not a waif, but a son of most ancient might.


Late one frigid night the boy stirred, listening to far away sounds. His heart began to race, and Daniel felt it as he lay sleeping, and woke. After a few silent minutes the boy spoke.


“They’re not coming here,” he said. “At least I hope not.” He held Daniel closer. “They’re gypsies, very brutal ones. I used to live with them. I don’t know how long; I don’t remember ever having parents, so I don’t think I’m one of them. They hated me, because I never did as they told me. Once they told me to hit a misbehaving dog, but I couldn’t do it. Poor old mutt: he took from one of their plates, but only because he was so hungry. They beat me when I wouldn’t beat it.” Daniel licked the boy’s cheek, and he smiled. “Thank you, but it wasn’t all that bad. I never made a good gypsy, though, so I ran away. I’ve been away a long time now, over two years. You’ll laugh, but I think this scarf has been a great help to me.” He unwrapped and re-wrapped one layer of the dense red wool so that it enveloped both himself and the little fox. “I’ve had it as long as I can remember, and no one could ever take it from me. If one of the gypsies snatched at it, which happened often, he would scream and pull away, as if his fingers were burnt. I’m afraid of nothing while I wear it.”


Two nights later the boy woke up again. This time he scrambled to the where the tent opened, peering out, then scrambled back. “They’ve found me,” he said.


Daniel pawed his leg, and he knelt down, embracing the tiny fox. “You can’t stay,” he began, kissing Daniel’s head. “We must say ‘goodbye’ now.” Daniel started to cry. “Don’t be sad, little friend; I’ll be just fine. You will too.” He took off his scarf, his intensely beautiful scarf of royal red wool, and secured it around Daniel’s neck. “It fits! I’m so happy; I thought it would be huge on you. You must run away.” Daniel pressed to the boy, but the boy stood, leaving him on the ground. “I’m sorry; I shall miss you more than I can say. But the gypsies will make you into a hat if I try to keep you.” Daniel still yelped to be picked up, but the boy turned away. “I love you, little fox.”


Just then the tent ripped from the stony wall, torn into nonexistence. Men of immeasurable size and number surged in, and in an instant Daniel lost sight of the boy. He tried to dive into the mob, but something told him to run, and it wasn’t fear. He seemed to feel the scarf pulling him away, demanding that he flee. He couldn’t argue with it, and darted into the icy night.


The snow on the ground loomed above his ears, but he ran on, hardly noticing it. He followed the woolen lead long and far, but at last weariness consumed him, and he fell to the ground, asleep.


The next morning broke joyless and grey. Daniel realized that the horrors of the night before had indeed occurred, and he wept harder than he ever had. He wished more than anything for the boy to come to him, and pick him up, and tell him that they should be together forever, and never separated an hour. But the boy didn’t come, because he was tied to some gypsy donkey, or imprisoned in some gypsy box, or under some hard gypsy hand.


Daniel spent half the day weeping, but then sensed a light tug around his neck. He looked up, and saw before him not a town, but a great city. What existed for a fox in the city? But the tug strengthened, so he rose, and made forward.


He walked straight, rather than skulking or ducking behind trees and bushes. He saw all manner of wild things: snakes, and hawks; even a silky-furred, soft-footed wolf. But the snakes only hissed at him, then slithered away. The hawks dipped low and screeched at him, but flew back up behind the fog to disappear. The wolf glided right in front of him, and gazed with startling blue eyes, then bowed his head, and vanished as a fantasy of the snow. Daniel knew no dread of any of these creatures. He doubted the snakes, and wondered at the hawks, and humbled before the wolf. But any terror, any thought of anxiety or trepidation, kept from his mind so wholly that he never heeded their absence. He had to rescue the boy, and somehow, by traveling this direction, he would do so.


Just as darkness shrouded the city Daniel reached its gate. Two strong guards kept it, and he positioned for a sprint. He sprung forward, and through the gate’s bars, and down the cobblestone street before anyone noticed him.


What an enormous city! Once inside his confidence waned a bit, and he remembered what a tiny and helpless animal he was. So many people walked about, even though the night bit with chill. The people jumped around, giggling and singing, skipping from one acquaintance to another. The night could only be one of jubilant occasion.


But Daniel felt none of this elation. The world hung vastly about him; he was weaker, shyer, and more diminutive than ever. Where hid the courage he needed so badly? It failed him, and he crept away into the shadows.


He wandered nervously through broad roads and thin, winding ways. He wept because of cold and lonesomeness. At last he drew himself together and collapsed in a snow-covered courtyard.


He hadn’t lain long when he jumped up, caught by the most magical scent. It wasn’t of food, such trivialities disturbed him not, but of something divine. It seemed the scent of heaven wafted down over him, faintly, like the brush of a dove’s wing, or breath of an angel. The very scent of holiness. He spun round, and at once gazed upward into the clear windows of a white, domed edifice. Inside he saw a man: a magnificent, important man. But not a man to tremble before. He wore long robes of deep red and gold, and held a cup of stunning beauty. Other people approached him, and bowed, and received from this glorious cup. Daniel, understanding naught but that he stood in the presence of intense glory, dropped to his stomach and buried his nose in the dazzling carpet of the earth. He felt his scarf glowing, warming him from his heart outwards. It was the same color, the same burning, sanctifying red of the man’s robe.


Now to save the boy. Daniel stood up on his fragile paws, and followed where the scarf led.


He approached the center of the city. All the people saw him now, but he didn’t fear them a bit. His scarf could not be hindered. He came to a great, royal palace, which shone brilliantly in the dark and sacred night. He came to the gate, walking easily through it.


Watchmen stood and observed him, but dared not approach. They even opened the palace door for the tiny, cinnamon-sugar, pointy-eared baby fox. Once inside Daniel ran as fast as his legs allowed, and in a minute he arrived in an enormous room with a white tiled floor and ruby-crested wall.


A tall, imposing man rose from a golden chair. He looked baffled, but more so than that he looked painfully sad. Tears shimmered in his potent brown eyes, which he wiped away as Daniel bowed before him.


“How came you here,” the king began, “little fox?”


“My friend, sir.” Daniel fell over with the shock he gave himself: he had just spoken!


The king started as well, then smiled. “So it’s true, then?” he said. “On Christmas Eve, all the beasts can speak.”


“Is that why, sir?” Daniel asked. “I didn’t know!”


“Yes, for tomorrow is certainly Christmas Day, and you are certainly speaking. What is your name?”


“Daniel, sir.”


“And how can I help you, Daniel?”


“My friend, he’s been kidnapped by gypsies.” Daniel began to cry. “He used to live with them, but they were cruel, so he ran away. But now they have him again!”


The king descended to his knees, also weeping. “I cannot help you, little fox! I’ve searched for gypsies these last nine years, and yet have I not found them. They move like fire, and I cannot reach them!” Daniel ran up to the king, nuzzling his powerful hand. “They took someone dear to me, too.” The king cried harder, picking up and caressing Daniel. “My son, my dearest son, taken from me when only three years old! And this night I feel it the harshest, for this night the gypsies snatched. My sister arrived for Christmas, and my little Matthew dashed from my hand to show her his new scarf. But before he reached her he was gone!” The king choked on his tears. “I pursued the villain, and all my guards and warriors and servants pursued him, but he was gone, vanished like a star in the morning!”


Daniel pawed the king’s arm. “Sir!” he said. “Sir! Is this the scarf?” The king looked up. “Is this the scarf, sir? The scarf Matthew was wearing?” The king took the rich red wool in his hands, then gasped.


“It is!” he cried. “My own son’s scarf!”


“Then your son is my friend!”


“How merciless!” he exclaimed, pressing the wool to his eyes. “So close, so close and yet out of reach! And you said his captors are hard, Daniel? I must find them!” The king stood, but quickly sat back down, hardly able to breath through his weeping. “But how? I’ve done everything I can, and each day broadly proclaim that I will pay any price for my son’s safe return, but in nine years I’ve accomplished nothing!”


“I can take you to him, sir.”


The king tightened his grasp on Daniel, looking into his eyes. “You can, little fox? You know where my Matthew is?”


“No, but I can take you there.” Daniel jumped to the ground, standing erect. “This scarf led me all the way here, to you, and now I feel it pulling me out of this palace. I know it will take me to Matthew, sir.”


The king scooped Daniel into his arms. “Then lead on, little fox!” He called his knights to arm themselves and follow him, then held Daniel up toward heaven. “God bless this little fox, and God bring my son home!”


Within minutes they rode out of the city and into the forest; the horses galloped for Matthew, and the swords glistened for Matthew, and the king prayed for Matthew. Daniel directed the king where the scarf tugged him, and it tugged more strongly the further they traveled. The time seemed short before they saw the orange light and grey smoke of campfires materialize before them.


“This is the place!” The king said, bursting with fervor. “I feel it in my deepest soul.” They came to the camp, and forth emerged the giant-like men, bearing weapons of incredible merit. The king dismounted and set Daniel on the earth. “Here we are,” he said. “Daniel, go find my son!”


Daniel blazed through the gypsy-mob like a flash of scarlet lightning, effortlessly dodging blows and jumping obstacles. His scarf pulled him forward and left and right and up and down, until he reached a windowless, cold room, where he saw the boy cowering on the floor.


Daniel thrust himself into the boy’s lap, zealously licking his face. “Little fox!” the boy cried, securing Daniel closely in his arms. “What are you doing here?” Something pounded loudly on the wall, and the boy cringed. “And what is happening out there? It sounds like war!”


“We’re rescuing you,” Daniel said.


The boy started violently. “Little fox! You’re talking!”


“It’s Christmas Eve; I guess I can talk on Christmas Eve.”


“Then I wish Christmas Eve were every day! But who is rescuing me, beside you?”


“The king.”


“The king! Why would he bother to rescue me? I’m nobody!”


“You’re his son.”


The boy was about to reply, but just then the door flew open, and in walked the king. The boy hurried to his feet, and the king came forward, shaking with joy.


“Matthew,” he said. Daniel jumped to the ground, and the boy shrunk away. “Do you know me, Matthew?” the king said, gently nearing his son with widely opened arms. The boy trembled, terrified, and whimpered quietly when first enclosed in his father’s embrace. But the king spoke softly, and held him tenderly, so that he soon relaxed, just as Daniel had relaxed when first petted in their tent. The boy began to sob, and the king picked him up, kneeling so that Daniel could climb on top of him, and left.


After they arrived at the palace the boy was fed, and washed, and held by his father for many hours. Daniel told the boy his name, and of the animals in the forest, and of the hallowed scent. At this last story the king burst out crying, and mumbled inaudibly to himself. Soon after though the time turned a half hour to midnight, and they went up to bed. Matthew had his own exquisite room which he and Daniel would inhabit a long while together, but tonight chose to sleep beside his father. Daniel of course joined them, and at a few minutes to Christmas they all snuggled down.


“I don’t want tonight to end,” Matthew said to Daniel. “You won’t be able to talk in the morning.”


“I don’t mind; you still understand me.” Daniel remembered the scarf bound about his neck. “Take your scarf back now,” he said. “You’re here to take care of me, so I don’t need it.”


“I want you to keep it,” Matthew replied. “I feel better with it on you; I don’t know why.” Daniel licked the boy’s cheek, and lay down. “I love you, little fox,” Matthew said.


“I love you too.”





Christmas morning broke just as bright and crisp and beautiful as it always should. The king had already risen when Matthew woke, so the boy and the fox trotted down the swirling, whimsical staircase together to greet the holy day. A luminous fir tree accented the red trim of the silver and white palace, and the smells which adorn every child’s dream floated to their noses on the chords of a thousand carols which the delighted servants sang. The king met them with embraces like trumpet calls and kisses like laughter; father, child, and fox more full of life than the deepest note of a cello.


“Isn’t this wonderful, little fox?” Matthew asked, spinning with Daniel like Clara with her prince. “I never knew how much I wanted a home, or a father, or a fox until God gave them to me!” He clasped Daniel in an overflow of happiness, bursting into tears. “How I love you, little fox!”


“And how I love you!”


“Daniel!”


Daniel had spoken, and on a day not Christmas Eve. He tried his voice again, and it reached the king’s and Matthew’s ears with perfect clarity.


“How can he talk, Father?” Matthew asked.


“I’m not sure, but I have an idea. Come here, Daniel.” The king removed the red scarf from the fox’s neck, then asked him to speak. Daniel spoke, but his voice sounded hoarse, and his throat became sore. The king replaced the scarf, and held his hands to it until it warmed. Then Daniel spoke with his own, pure voice.


“It’s the scarf.” the king said. “Or not the scarf only, for he can speak without it. But it makes his voice come easier.”


“Could you speak before, Daniel?” Matthew asked.


“No, never.”


“It’s another gift,” the king said. “And how many more we are yet to receive, I cannot say. Perhaps we will not even notice the others, for if we did our hearts our would overfill with the beauty of it all.”





Daniel never lost his voice. Matthew became the darling of the people, and when his turn came to rule he did so with wisdom and faith and love. He and Daniel were never happier than when with the king, and they themselves were never separated over a few minutes. Throughout their lives Christmas remained the day which brought them the most joy, and joyful tears. In their king and prince and fox the people had unquenchable devotion, and to this day, on Christmas Eve, they tell their children the story of Daniel’s scarf of royal red wool.